why i hate most health & wellness blogs + health tips for people who don't mind being chubby

I fit the target demographic for 90% of health & wellness media, so I feel like I have some authority in saying that most health & wellness blogs/podcasts suck some serious butt.

I love the idea of wellness blogs and nutrition gurus who care about helping others lead healthy lives. But most of the blogs I've seen suck in the following ways:

  1. They're beauty blogs in disguise. Don't tell me your 1,200 calorie-a-day diet of oat milk and kale juice is about health. Most wellness blogs are less about health and more about beauty, less about lowering your blood pressure and more about fitting into a certain size, less about improving your mental health and more about achieving "glow-y skin" (whatever that means)...

  2. They're mostly aimed at women, and they're infantilzing. How many times have you read things along the lines of, "Green juice makes my tummy happy!" You can talk to adult women about food without sounding like you're trying to convince a toddler to eat her vegetables.

  3. Most of their health tips are rooted in belief rather than evidence. You can probably find support for almost any diet, but most experts agree that it's best to eat a little of everything in moderation. Yet pseudo-scientific claims in the wellness community abound. Take, for example, cleanses. Think about how many products/diets/etc. claim to cleanse the body of "toxins" as if we weren't all equipped with a liver and kidneys to do just that.

  4. They often exist just to sell products. I am not against sponsored posts. Everyone has to pay rent. But it feels unethical to praise a product as a key part of a healthy lifestyle when the company is paying you to say nice things about it.

  5. Their suggestions are inaccessible to a lot of people. Most people don't have the resources, financial or otherwise, to devote themselves to an involved health routine. Health bloggers be like, "Every morning, I meditate, work out, stretch, shower, write in my journal, oil pull, then make an elaborate smoothie bowl--which I photograph--and then FINALLY get dressed and leave the house." WHO HAS THAT KIND OF TIME?!?

So those are my main critiques. And since I hate critical posts that offer a problem with no solution, here are my health tips for ladies (or dudes) who don't mind being a chubby lil dumpling and just want to feel like they're not dying 100% of the time. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure none of these tips will kill you.

  1. Make the healthiest choice that you'll also be happy with. You don't have to sentence yourself to a life of rice milk and sadness to be healthy. There are a lot of shades of healthy between vegan monk and "My 600 Pound Life," so find your middle ground.

  2. If you really want to cut something out of your diet just to prove that you can cut something out of your diet, cut out alcohol/binge drinking.

  3. If you're trying to have the perfect body, take that energy and put it into doing literally anything else.

  4. Make getting to the gym the only goal of your workout. If you really don't want to work out once you're there, you can just leave. But you'll probably stay, because hey, you're already at the gym.

  5. When you see a vegetable, eat it. This is a campaign truism that gets thrown around by political folk because campaigners often eat so poorly, but it's actually a really good way to get more veggies in your diet. If you're looking for vegetables, you see them everywhere.

  6. Go to the doctor! Get checked for STDs, get your blood pressure measured, make sure you're not anemic... Shocking how few people do this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. Health food trends (i.e. Kombucha, bone broth, etc.) can actually be pretty fun, so try them, but don't expect them to make you thin/happy/immune to all disease.

Being a human is hard as is. Taking care of your shell doesn't have to be expensive or complicated. In the wise words of my mother, if you feel ill, "Eat a Popsicle! Go to the bathroom! Drink some water!" It's easy.